Date: 01 Sep 2010 7:14 AM Title: Chapter 6
I think you have a wonderful idea for a story and i am looking forward to seeing where it goes and finde out exactly how she got pregnant in the first place.
One thing though. i would love it if you could be more descriptive real discuss how she is feeling, really allow the reader to get into her head.
Just and idea but keep writing your doing good
THANK YOU!! I WAS GOING TO TRY AND BE MORE DESCRIPTIVE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER AND THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE LONGER.
Date: 31 Aug 2010 1:44 PM Title: Chapter 6
YOUR WRITING SUCKS ITS ON A 5TH GRADE LEVEL KEEP TRYING YOULL GET IT ONE DAY....
FIRST OFF I WANT TO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOU'RE INSPIRATIONAL WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I WRITE THEN JUST STOP READING IT.
Date: 31 Aug 2010 12:11 PM Title: Chapter 6
Angela is a great friend, iit is sad that Bella and renee never got a chance to say goodbye.
THANK YOU...ANGELA IS GREAT AND IT'S SAD THAT BELLA DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE TO RENEE BUT THERE IS A LETTER FOR BELLA FROM RENEE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF RENEE SAIYING GOODBYE TO BELLA...
Date: 13 Jun 2010 11:18 PM Title: Chapter 5
does angela know why bella doesn't know who the daddy is ? has anyone really bothered to ask again? glad to see that b has found a friend in angela and ben and esme is still being nice.
NO ANGELA DOES NOT KNOW BUT EVERYONE WILL BE GIVEN A CLUE TO THE WHO THE FATHER IS IN CHAPTER 7 OR 8....BELLA TALKS TO ANGELA ABOUT EVERYTHING...AND SOME SECREATS ARE REVEALED TO EVERYONE...THANK YOU!!!
Date: 06 Jun 2010 2:47 AM Title: Chapter 5
great chapter, god i hate to think how bella would manage for anything without bella she is a great girl and yes bella should set her up with ben, so it sounds like esme always liked bella when she lived nextdoor it was just the cullen kids who picked on her, twins you threw in twins isn't her life complicated enough lol. i cant wait to see what dinner at the cullens brings, and on top of everything renee died!!!!!!!! what does that mean for bella? renee was a cow but bella must have loved her mother, more please thanks tracy
Date: 06 Jun 2010 12:37 AM Title: Chapter 5
well I am shocked that renee has passed. that must be a shocker it seems. will we know why or who the father is. she has never said she wasn't a virgin. i am curious.
YES YOU BE GIVEIN A CLUE TO WHO THE FATHER IS IN CHAPTER 7 OR 8..THANK YOU!!
Date: 06 Jun 2010 12:21 AM Title: Chapter 3
wow i just can't imagine parents acting this way. i am sure there are some out there that do and it is very sad.isn't there a shelter or something she can go to
MAYBE BUT BELLA LIKES TO DO STUFF HER SELF...THANK YOU!!
Date: 05 Jun 2010 11:49 PM Title: Chapter 5
OMG What happened to Renee and will this help Bella or hurt her more??? Thank goodness for Ang she is an angle love how she put the school in there place. What is going on with the Cullens and who in the HELL IS THE DAD???????
EVERYTHING WITH RENNE WILL BE TOLD NEXT CHAPTER AND THE CULLEN PART WILL BE TOLD WHEN BELLA GOES OVER FOR DINNER...AS FOR THE DAD THAT WILL BE TOLD SOON...THANK YOU!!
Date: 02 Jun 2010 10:21 PM Title: Chapter 4
Wow! Spelling got way better! See I knew if I just kept reading it would :)
The grammer has also improved alot!
One question though, how far along in her pregnancy is Bella?
THANK YOU I HAD TO ASK MY DAD AFTER MY FRIEND YELLED AT ME AT SCHOOL BECAUSE OF THE SPELLING AND GRAMER SO NOW IF I DONT KNOW HOW SOMETHING IS SPELLED OR WITH THE GRAMER I ASK MY DAD....I WILL SAY IN THE NEXT CHAPTER HOW FAR ALONG SHE IS...IM GOING TO BE SKIPPING A FEW MONTHS WITH HER PREGNANCY...BUT I DONT KNOW HOW MANY YET...
Date: 02 Jun 2010 10:18 PM Title: Chapter 3
This story has gone from believable to anything but... I hope that the more you write the better it will get, because I don't want to give up on this plot. The plot has a lot of potential.
A few points...
I know that Renee can be childish sometimes, both in fanfics and the books but I think you might have wrote her a little to childish. But thats just my opinion.
When you wrote about Bella thinking her baby is a boy you wrote 'felling'. Fell is like Fall, like when you trip. Felling is not a word. Falling is a word however, but the word you were looking for was feeling! I know that right after you type something, you really want to just give it to your readers right away, but it works a lot better if you read over the story at least once. That way you can catch a lot of the grammer and spelling mistakes.
Last point that kind of threw me for a loop, was the line 'The kids always pick on me at school (they might stop now that I’m pregnant)'. Why would Bella think that being pregnant would make people not make fun of her? Even if she had never seen a pregnant girl in her school, you would think that she would have seen how bad those girls get treated in school from tv.
I don't want to give up on the plot! I am really trying :)
THANK YOU!! I SUCK ASS AT SPELLING AND GRAMER AND I CAN ONLY WRITE WHEN IT IS LIKE 2 IN THE MORNING SO NO ONE IS UP TO HELP ME WITH MY SPELLING AND GRAMER...SORRY ABOUT THAT BUT I DO THE BEST I CAN WITH IT...FOR NOW ON I WILL TRY TO GET SOMEONE TO READ THE CHAPTERS BEFOR I PUT THEM UP...
Date: 02 Jun 2010 10:07 PM Title: Chapter 2
Plot good, spelling bad. It's kind of distracting.
For example, when Jacob is yelling at Bella, the correct spelling is Please not PLEAES. I had to pause for a second to figure out what you were trying to say.
As good as the story line seems to be, you should really invest in some spell check and maybe a Beta.
Story line is good so far :)
THANK YOU AND I DIDNT SEE THE SPELLING UNTIL AFTER I PUT THEM UP...I MIGHT GET A BETA OR WILL GET SOMEONE AT MY HOUSE TO READ IT BEFORE I PUT UP ANOTHER CHAPTER...
Date: 31 May 2010 12:22 AM Title: Chapter 1
wow so not the charlie we all know and love. but unfortunately stuff like this happens alot.
i was a teen mom but lucky for me my mom was awesome, my then boyfriend (the father) and now husband was awesome, and his family was awesome. too bad not all girls get that. :(
THAT IS TRUE MY SISTER IS 19 AND SHE JUST HAD A BABY....SHE STILL WITH THE FATHER AND HE IS A GREAT GUY...THANK YOU!!
Date: 30 May 2010 3:15 PM Title: Chapter 4
ooooohhh intresting, bella has a friend about time she needs a friend someone to talk to and rely on and angela sounds just the girl, she's strong enough to go against popular opinion and ignorew the 'crew' i always hate those popular girls in school who think they rule the school and are nasty to anybody they believe don't conform to their way of thinking, how many months is bella pregnant now? i hope she get's the diner job but that's going to be hard trying to make enough money to pay rent and complete school and trying to prepare for the baby, i still cant believe her dad is working all over town leaving his only daughter to struggle, i bet he'll be sorry in the end if bella ever forgives him, thanks tracy
I will say in the next chapter how far bella is pregnant because i will skip a few months in the next chapter...and dont worie about money and a job she will have it all worked out...also ill tell you that Angela becomes very close to Bella and her baby...THANK YOU!!!
Date: 30 May 2010 9:55 AM Title: Chapter 3
ok longer chapter are good otherwise a chapter is read in mere minutes, but as a mother i cannot understand renee's position, renee is on the same page as charlie and that is a bad page to be on, bela is holed up in a hotel trying to finish school and nobody has asked the fundamental question "why do you not know who is the father is" has something bad happened? do her parents care? and what is up with the cullens being bullies!!!! more please thanks tacy
IT WILL ALL BE ANSWERED SOONER OR LATER...THANK YOU!!
Date: 30 May 2010 9:43 AM Title: Chapter 2
oh my god and i did not reduce that to omg what the hell is her father thinking and jacob!!!! nobody has given her a chance to say what's on her mind, to say what she is trying to say, nobody is listening!!!!! she's 16 for god sake where is the family compassion? and no i do not think it was ok for them to disown bella like that that shit will never be ok, but great chapter thanks tracy
Date: 30 May 2010 9:36 AM Title: Chapter 1
i saw this in the most recently updated list and thought it looked cool, omg what the hell is on earth is wrong with charlie he dosen't even give her the chance to talk, to explain, there might be a real good reason why she can not divulge the name of the father and if not is there any reason to throw your daughter out on the kerb i dont think so! not ever! great opening chapter i have loads of questions that i'm sure will get answered if i keep reading thanks tracy
Date: 30 May 2010 2:23 AM Title: Chapter 3
Doing a good job the lenth was better. Still want to know why she doesnt know who the dad is and why everyone acts like she doesnt exicst??????????
they act like she doesn't exicst because her dad doesn't want anything to do with her...and what the cheif of polics says everyone does....as for the baby father you will find out soon...